exams for semester 2 ay12/13 is fini.

would just like to take some time to input some thoughts into this digital diary.
to be honest, even now, i feel awkward about having a diary blog; the idea of spewing your guts out onto a public forum where anyone/ everyone can see. i dont think i'd want to know who actually reads my blog. nor do i want to find out that nobody has been reading my blog and that all this concern for privacy has been farce. as you can see, i type in a conversational style - while it is introspection now, i do hope that what i write touches people, even in the most superficial way.

mainly, however, i write for the future me. the best things about diary blogs is that you can easily flip through past memories.
although apparently i have viewership from the us and russia. i may have mentioned the cia or the kgb in a few posts.

anyway, on to the thought.

as our lives are increasingly socially connected on facebook, as much as it is voyeuristic pleasure to enter the hearts, minds and lives of our peers, there are events that sometime erupt, giving us throwbacks to reality - that sometimes, its better not knowing. ive been disillusioned before -minor stuff like realising you've been excluded from an activity, reading a recommended article only to question the poster's taste (cough thought catalog - its name is literally asking you to select based on a set of available thoughts cough cough).

today, i feel optimistic. a bit bad, but mostly optimistic.

i used to be from hall, and stopped staying there last sem. recently, two separate incidents happened at my block where essentially the same thing happened, but were dealt with in very different ways. someone actually saw this inequality and had the guts to point it out. that someone is the next blockhead.

respect.

i also saw how current power (current block heads) trying to exert their influence to try to contain any unhappiness. they're trying to pacify all sides, just doing their job, i can understand that. the fact is, the inequality still exists. i wonder if they actually tried to address the person's complaint. if they did, kudos. if they didnt, they are supporting a hegemony of ideology, and marginalising some fellow blockmates.

it is difficult to see this when you are living in that environment. after all, some things are portrayed to be common sensical - the difficulty of communal living and the need for mutual tolerance and respect, the impossibility of getting everyone to get along, etc.etc. on one hand, it is enlightened self-interest to get along with your fellow neighbours. on another, this is the ideology of dominant classes of people - in their interest that everything runs smoothly and peacefully, that there are no complaints, that the block displays a united, strong front. the marginalised tend to be those who act contrary to group norms, or most often, who are just ... not loud. im not even talking about quiet personalities, just not loud - because of language barriers (foreign students), because of normalised gender identities and behaviours (girls are usually less loud than boys), because of individual character traits.

but some things just have to be said, and this man brought it up in the most decent way possible. i feel bad because i never said anything while i could, when i was in hall. it is a difficult topic on its own to bring up, let alone have a discussion on its own as a block. i hope that relations continue to improve, and that my exblock will continue to be a great one that truly cares for each other. i think we can all benefit from a htht.


and that's all i wanna say for today.